110th Entry: Horror and humiliation

Woah, its a nice, quiet, stress less Sunday. Perhaps even the most peaceful I have had since I came in Vienna on 1. of September.

Many things happened since I last wrote. I haven’t been able to write, because when I am under a lot of stress, writing is the last thing I want to do. Writing on my blog can be a luxury sometimes.

So what’s happening?
Well, first of all, University started…

Like, for good…

And we are proceeding pretty fast… Like last Friday, I even had to build my first particle detector, out of a coffee can:

Nerd level: 9999

Yeah, I needed to solder the electronic parts together to form this circuit. OMG, I hope we NEVER EVER have to solder again! It took me 3 hours to complete!

Anyways, hopefully at least university is going well this time.

The thing that is not going that well, as it has always been, is my ability to hold a job ლ(。-﹏-。 ლ)

I will explain…

On my previous post I apparently wrote about how well is my current job as an Au Pair, by that Austrian family… it turned out, I judged TOO EARLY. ( p′︵‵。) (wtf with Austrian families btw? It ALWAYS turns out to be the same shit!)

Actually my life has been a living HELL, since I have moved to that house. I have never, ever thought, that a person would be so mad, without any apparent reason, at me and that I would be in a constant stressed mode, like ALL of the time.

I was even afraid to write about it on my blog, because it was such a horror. Am not even exaggerating. Actually, I have always been afraid to talk about bad stuff happening to me, because it’s like releasing that negative energy out there, exposed to everyone that happens to read them. So on one hand, I don’t want to write them down, and on the other hand, I do want to document any kind of experience, either bad or good, cause it’s something I will reflect back in the future (possibly) and maybe like (hopefully), inspire other people, who happened to have similar experiences, to not to be afraid to talk about them.

Because I don’t want to overwhelm you, I will be posting them in parts.

1. Throwing the food away

So my first shock came when I had to cook the little girl’s a dinner meal, after her school activities. And I usually ask the family first, what I should cook her, because at first I don’t know what she likes/dislikes. She gave a first disregarded look and exclaimed that I should be the one who decides. (・_・ヾ At that point I was really perplexed, because I am used to by my previous family in Switzerland, to be given an idea, what I should cook for dinner and I would execute it at best.

So ok I thought, I will put my imagination as to what a 6 year old would like. By the way, all these things are happening at her presence. Because she isn’t working or missing out of home. SHE IS THERE with her kid and I have to serve them.

I opened the refrigerator and saw some chicken nuggets. So, I thought OK, I will cook some of them with french fries. Any kid likes to eat this!

So I gave my best effort and made sure it was enough for her. I cooked it. I put it on the plate and brought it to the girl, only to get a whine that she doesn’t want to eat it (;¬_¬) And let me tell you, this kid is so spoiled, she gets anything with a little whine and denial.

So her mother was now kind of annoyed at this point and I was asking myself what’s next, do I need to make another dish? So she went annoyed to the kitchen and ordered me to throw away the food I prepared, as she opened the stove to cook something herself. (⊙_☉)

I don’t know if you know, how it feels to prepare a meal and then still warm, throwing it away.. First of all, I would have eaten it, if I wasn’t a vegetarian. Secondly, who on their right mind wants to throw away any UNTOUCHED food?

I don’t want to discuss even the humiliation that this incident made me feel, because it brings back memories that I otherwise want to discard from my mind.

The incident of throwing away food happened more than once, so slowly I was getting used to feeling useless.

And it was just the beginning.

By the way, I am now finally away from that family and happy for once in my OWN room. I might not live in the most prestige neighborhood of Vienna, but at least I have my conscious and heart at peace.


 And in fact, I live in a very lovely neighborhood as well, without the hustle and bust of tourists!

The view from my window. Not bad, no? 。^‿^。


109th Entry: Pressed the Restart button

Yeah, I don’t know either why it took me like ages to write again. Thing is, writing needs motivation too, it’s like that force you need to convince yourself to go the gym regularly because you don’t wanna waste your membership. Except blogging is kinda free.

Anyway, am taking my second coffee at the Westbahnhof right now. I already feel the boost of energy coming as a result of it. My heart beat which has been doubled, the thoughts racing, the urge to get up and walk. It’s amazing how a substance like caffeine can do this to your body. But enough about my caffeine addiction… am here to update on my life.

It’s crazy how the chain of events in my life, gave me the opportunity to repeat something from the beginning. Usually you get something once in your lifetime and then you either have to profit from it, or if not handled in a correct way, you lose that chance forever.

I was that person, who did not handled the good opportunities in the correct way. I remember very well, how I had those enticing thoughts of giving up physics forever, not knowing exactly what I should do next in my life. Having lost all motivation to become the person I had always dream of becoming.

Now I can clearly see, how people influence me into taking decisions, whether be positive or negative. And I can see with clarity, which persons had a good and which had a really bad influence in me. And I will never forget, because they help me make (hopefully) better decisions now.

Am glad to say that I have been influenced by my little brother to pursue physics as a career. I used to be afraid, because physics can be really isolating and people doing physics can be arrogant and competitive. Then again, it’s my fault for giving enough sh*t on what I think people think about me. Cause it all comes down to that fear of feeling judged.

I don’t know how it’s going to be this year. But the circumstances I am living have been improved by 200%. Somehow I have been given a second chance, like a Restart button has been pressed and got me to the place where I was a year ago, only of course in better conditions.

For all these: I am grateful! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)



108th Entry: Took me to Paris

So I must either be a very lucky person or I my life is meant to be a contradiction. A few articles ago you just saw how I complain to be starving and going “pleite” and then suddenly am a couple of miles away in perhaps the most beautiful city of the world… yeah am talking about Paris!

I mean, I did know that at some point in my life I will visit this amazing city and finally see with my own eyes the Eiffel tower (that has been appearing like at least 1000 times every day in my IG-feed), but I would never imagine it to be that soon! (/∇\*)。o○♡

Now I even uploaded an Eiffel tower picture on my IG account:

…with the obvious capture “Paris, I love you” (for those who don’t trust in their French knowledge).

And I can’t quite express my excitement about this place or the “taste” it left me after I left it behind. It even kinda feels like a dream now. A dream in Paris. I wish this happened every day!

And I owe all these to a very special person, who has been so kind to organize all these and invite me to Disneyland (which am going to write more details soon).

You really humbled me when you told me “I can’t believe nobody took you there (ref. to Paris)”

Y u so kind?! ლ(ٱ٥ٱლ) *heart melts*

So yeah, after this event, my luck skyrocket such, that I should never, ever again complain about life being unfair to me!

And if I ever again complain about my life, please do me a favor:


107th Entry: “Pleite gehen”

Oh no, don’t worry. I am not suddenly changing the language of my blog. You will understand the term once you read this post (if you don’t speak German that is).

So today I went for my usual walk, after having my brunch and my coffee at Starbucks

(yeah I brought my own food, but hey I don’t want to pay 8 CHF for a piece of Starbucks pastry that is not even fresh)

Anyway, so after the Starbucks I decided to take another route than the usual that leads to the lake. So I’ve crossed the bridge to go to the other side and marched towards the inner city, cause I saw from far that they had some kind of open market going on, so yeah I got curious.

On the way to the market I saw the H&M (clothes store). I got excited cause, first I didn’t know if they had one in Geneva and second because I always find nice clothes at affordable prices that actually fit me. So I said “what the heck? I haven’t bought clothes for ages, why not have a look?”

Long story short, I found some really cute clothes that were even on sale! ヽ( ★ω★)ノ

After leaving the store I learnt two things about myself:

1. That the size S is now big for me (no wonder, since I have this pie for brunch every single day).

2. That I am actually more broke than I thought I was! .・゜゜・(/。\)・゜゜・.

So yeah, my card got declined due to insufficient funds. And to be honest I wasn’t even embarrassed when this happened cause I was rather worried and a bit depressed cause the clothes looked really nice on me and I was so excited to buy them and then… boom! Reality hit me !!(。_°☆\(- – ) (< that’s reality hitting me)

Actually it hit me so deep that after leaving the store I wanted to run home and cry myself out, until I fell asleep. But I knew what depression actually feels like (been there, done that), I didn’t want to go through it again. So I decided to do my usual route and reflect, accept what is and even laugh about it.

Actually after accepting the fact of going pleite (bankrupt), I was thinking about ways to save money, like instead of having a brunch + a dinner, I should unite these two meals into one. So it’s going to be a brinner or something. Also I won’t need to buy coffee any more, since I will be sleeping throughout the day until my brinner hehe ( ̄ー ̄)

Oh and by the way, if you happened to see a blonde, skinny girl walking across the lake, wearing clothes too big for her and warned out sandals, just throw some bread! I will thank you! (o_ _)o




106th Entry: The learning revolution 🎓 (an experiment)

When I was at high school, I used to be quite obsessed with learning. Learning just about anything. Knowing the world around me. I was so thirsty about knowing the world (so yeah I guess that’s why I ended up living so dispersed).

So one time at school, we had a book exhibition and after scanning through many books, I’ve seen one with the intimidating title “The learning revolution”. It was a heavy book with a soft cover and it got me quite curious. At that time, I thought this book would unveil to me, some kind of secret to understand the world better. I don’t remember how I made this connection, cause it’s been 10 years already! But I remember not giving it much thought, so I had it ordered.

When our books finally arrived, I couldn’t wait to go home and dive into it. Absorb every letter of every sentence of every page of it.

But it was not quite as I imagined it to be. At first I was disappointed but after having read and digest it, I realised that it could be useful in the process of learning (i.e. learning a new language). For example (and this is one of the few things I remember so well) the author described a method that has been used for learning a new language super-fast.

They made an experiment, in which they have taken a few students, who could not speak Spanish at all, and they put them into a room for several days in a row, where they instructed them in Spanish non-stop. The lessons would pause only for prime human necessities, like eating, sleeping and going to the toilet. The instructors would alternate each session.

After the experiment ended, the students were able to speak and understand Spanish in an advance level, despite of being instructed for only a few days and having prior no knowledge of the language.

This amazed me quite a bit, mainly because I was that kind of person, who hated learning new languages. I would imagine having to attend these sessions for a few days… and voila > I speak fluent French! How convenient would that have been back then, because I hated French lessons with passion (ironically I have the exact opposite feelings about French today ╥_╥).

Long time passed, and the knowledge that I aquired from that book was long forgotten.

The last few days, I had this crazy idea going on my head “What if I listen to French non-stop for several days in a row? Can I brainwash myself in such a way, that I could be able to speak French effortlessly?” Then I remembered that experiment from that book I’ve read a decate ago. Perhaps then it was time to apply it! My only problem was to find the proper instruction material, that will occupy my mind 24 hours / day.

I was quite lucky, that only a few days ago, I was been awared of this program called “Spotify” by my French friend, who btw listens music from it non-stop. So I searched for French songs to listen non-stop, but to my surprise I found something greater: a big list of French lectures, for any level, from beginners to advance! Hours and hours of material to listen the whole day (and leave enough for the next).

I was so happy and relieved, that I immediately downloaded them to my phone (you have to be subscribed to do that fyi). And with this, I am able to conduct this experiment.

I started yesterday evening. I was hoping to be able to sleep with the headphones on, listening to the tracks (even if I’d be sleeping). It didn’t go so well, cause I was mentally repeating the words after the instructor. So I had to stop the tracks, because I could not put myself to sleep. I slept after 2-3 hours of not-listening (don’t know what happened!). OK, so maybe it’s because I am not used to it yet, that my brain cannot leave it playing at the background. But I think its a matter of getting used to it. For exmple, now that I write these, I am still listening to these tracks and I can concentrate on the writing instead.

So yeah, today it has been quite a day, cause I ‘ve been listening to these tracks non-stop: As I was preparing my pancakes, at the kitchen table, getting dressed / ready to go out, with me at the supermarket, when I went for a walk, when I came back and took my bath, when I prepared and eaten my dinner, until now, at this very moment that I writed these. And it hasn’t even been half of the playlist done. After the list is done, I will restart and rehear these again. Am curious how this is going to work on my brain.

I guess I will keep you updated! o(〃^▽^〃)o


105th Entry: Dreaming in French 💤

My days seem to pass quite slow (for a change). I guess my holidays are very slow-paced. Or is it the fact that I am most of the time by myself, that it gives me the impression that time passes so slow?

Today I came to the lake again.Only a different location. I love the water. I just want to be close to it, even if I am not touching it. Even if I am not swimming in it. Just looking at it is enough. I respect it, because it inspires me to write.

When I finally find a home to settle into (if that ever happens), then ideally would be some place with a lake. Ideally it’d be a big loud city with a lake. It should also be foreign – friendly. But I’d be willing to learn the local language, so I guess that wouldn’t be a problem.

I came to realize that people appreciate people who are willing to speak their native language. Back in Cyprus, I was also both thrilled and amazed by foreign people who could speak Greek. Even if it was just one sentence at a time. Greek is not an easy language that you can master in a few months by staying in a Greek-speaking country. It will take years to correctly pronounce and remember Greek words.

Speaking of foreign languages… I had my first French-speaking dreams the last two days! ٩(●˙▿˙●)۶ On the first one I was even trying to speak in German with a kid, but only French phrases would come instead. I had to force myself to speak with him in German. How weird, considering I am only fluent in German. And then on the second dream, I was talking with cats (!?) in French (=^・^=) Actually they spoke to me and I would understand and respond back.

All these made me thinking… what if our brain subconsciously “records” all languages you hear (even if we don’t remember them or understand them) and they are not available to us, unless our subconscious mechanisms are involved (ie. while dreaming)?

Could it be that the brain acts like a recording device? 📼


104th Entry: Holidays in wonderland

Haven written for a while and you might start wondering, what is happening to me. Heh, am alright at the moment! (*^▽^*)

Days seem to pass so fast, I haven’t quite realized when June entered and now it’s already July.. (°o°;)

I guess I can understand summer, only when I am in Cyprus. My mom even told me today, how hot it is during the day and that they can’t stand being in the living room, so they retrieve to their bedrooms with A/C on the max. I can be thankful that at least I don’t have to go through that! (☉_☉)


Today Yesterday G’s grandparents came and picked him up around 10:30 am. He is staying with them until Saturday. And well… on Sunday they (Mr. Frank, Ms. Anne and G) will depart for France. So practically I am on holidays from today yesterday!! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

Don’t quite know what to do all this time they will be missing… And they will be gone until the 27th of July. Am not going to Cyprus, neither to Vienna… So I guess I will be going around Switzerland. There is also a possibility to go to Greece, to visit a friend around the 20th of July… but is not confirmed yet.

I also wish I could be on the Swiss mountains again. I wouldn’t mind lying in the sun and read all day long. ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱

Anyways, I have to stop dreaming of those Valais villages on the mountains, get off my bed and do something productive!

Speaking of which… have you seen my latest “fun project” on “Alice in Wonderland”? If not, you should follow me on Instagram, cause I post most of them there (•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→ http://instagram.com/xxsdiary

Alice in Wonderland

Basically so far I have been minimizing myself in different scenarios, like sitting on the top of children books:

Hanging over door hands:

And sitting on children’s chairs in empty rooms:

… and so far achieved the “making people wonder how I do it”. Which is quite curious… cause everyone has heard of Photoshop at least once in their lifetimes… Perhaps they don’t expect me to use it? Or are the shadows making them so realistic? In which case, am flattered ( ⋂‿⋂’)

So yeah… here is how I will spend my holidays ultimately: taking photos, editing them and pretending I am in wonderland ୧(﹒︠ᴗ﹒︡)୨

Ok, really got to get off bed now. Its already noon \(*0*)/