5

115th Entry: The kind of guys am attracted to


OK, so I was thinking about it a lot before I decided to write about this topic. Needless to say, I often get embarrassed when people say they read this and that thing on my blog. I know I shouldn’t be concerned about their opinion, so this post is an effort towards that attitude.

I should have also write about the trip to Bosnia, but I will postpone it as I always do, to write something more interesting… Well, don’t know how interesting it is to you, but for me it is more then writing a topic that is a reference to the past (i.e. my trip). Anyways…

So, being single for quite a while, I came to realize that when it comes to choosing a partner, I tend to have high standards. By that I mean, I go through some kind of “check list” of the things that a guy should have in order for us to be together. And I am perfectly aware of the fact that there is no such a thing as the perfect partner, however I know as well, that I will not settled up with somebody, who’s significantly bellow my standards.

I am also getting this question pretty often, so am always kind of trying to explain that there are actually several factors that contribute to my partner choice and is hence more complicated than saying “well he needs to be strong” or “he needs to be independent”, so this comes also as a clarification of that issue.

The “Check list”

Without further ado, here are some things I personally find attractive on a guy:

1. Great body. Don’t get me wrong, am not superficial. I also don’t expect a guy to have a six-pack. But, if he is over-weight (or under-weight!), am definitely not going to be attracted to him. It just shows me that he is not having a healthy lifestyle (over-eating, not exercising etc.) or (worst) that he is lazy to commit at least to one of the healthy living factors.

2. He is independent. A guy who is not living under the shadow of his parents, is the most attractive to me. On the other hand: if his mamma still makes him lunch or his laundry, then there is no way I am ever going to be attracted to him.

3. Not obnoxious. This somehow goes with the wrong use of self-confidence (ie. being overly self-confident). Usually, obnoxious guys would think of themselves high in compare to other people. When I notice this on a guy, I am automatically turned off for ever, because I know, it is hard to change this quality and it’s just really, really annoying, not to say tiresome to be with someone, who always puts himself on the first place.

4. Therefore being a little humble goes a long way (for me)! Because this shows that the individual has some space for improvement. I love it when people are aware of their limits. Everyone is and if someone is not, then I would certainly not wanna date this person.

5. He is interesting. This is kind of difficult, because there can be a multitude of ways that a guy can be interesting. I guess if he has a colorful personality, ie. going to new places, trying new foods, watching different kind of movies, being interested in diverse things, having something special that not a lot of people have (a hobby or something that is special to him) then I will definitely hang on. It means that his life (or our life together) will not be boring and that we will always find stuff to do together.

So far, if a guy has all of the above, am guaranteed hooked on him. I will look like that emoticon that has two hearts for eyes: (✿ ♥‿♥) <- me*

How the ideal guy looks like… BUT there are actually some bonus points, which, in case a guy can’t have all the above, can still make me progressively fall in love in him. These include, but are not limited to:

6. Self-Confidence. By this I mean, he is not afraid to approach me, or ask me random stuff. On the contrary: a guy who is shy and will never ask me out, should neither expect me to magically fall in love with him!

7. He insists. If he sticks around and tries to convince me to date him, then I will eventually. It just shows that he is interested enough, which is a kind of assurance that would want to be with me eventually.

8. He has wanderlust or he is willing to travel. Which all go along with number 5, being interesting. A boring person doesn’t have the need to wanderlust, which will make a relationship with me very, very difficult, as I find a bliss in travelling around. Staying in the same place / country for a long time (> 5 months) bores me out. I constantly need some kind of change. At least a visit to the nearby city / country, to calm me a bit down.

9. He is not afraid to spend (for me). OK, I feel I need to clarify this, because am sure many will get the wrong picture. I am very aware of my financial situation and NO am not seeking a way out to leverage this situation. Because I have dated many guys, where I also offered to pay (when I knew that both of us actually are not in a better financial situation). But there is a fine line here. If you are a guy that gets a regular salary and you know I am a student and we are on our first date and still accept to split the bill: then you are doing it r.e.a.l.l.y. w.r.o.n.g. Absolute turn off! You just show, you have no intents to spend on me, which implies you are not really so interested in me.

10. Last but not least, he does it good. I usually don’t talk about this on my blog, but I believe only adults read it, so wth why not (I only hope my dad will never discover this blog). To be honest, if a guy does it really good… well… then sex, will be one of the things I will remember the most from him (!) #justbeinghonest (^^ゞ

 Conclusion

The conclusion is: am still single because there is always something missing from the above list. Guys with wrong self-confidence, who are obnoxious, even though are interesting. Or guys with the wrong body. Or just boring guys, where I have to dumb myself down, but are actually extremely good-looking: I have dated them all lol! No, am not a whore! I just have high-standards and as said at the beginning, I would rather stay single than compromise with something lower than my standards.

1

114th Entry: Going down the rabbit hole

Amazing how random and chaotic my life can get. Yes, sometimes I have the feeling that I am chasing the rabbit down the rabbit hole. Taking risks without even thinking of consequences. Oh, how familiar does this sound right? I mean, at least once a year I need to do something really crazy, like that time I left for Germany in 2012 without thinking the consequences (story here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), in 2013 I left for Austria because I had enough of Cyprus (story here) and in 2014 I had enough of Austria so I decided to leave once again for Switzerland (story here).

And no, am not changing a country yet. Well at least for now, am still fond to my studies. So what am I even talking about? Let’s say that, right now, half my stuff are travelling to Bosnia and am sitting here in my room in Vienna. Σ(´д ` メ) OK let me explain…

So I have this friend, who comes from Bosnia (or Croatia, am not quite sure yet). We met in a peculiar kind of way, but that’s not important right now. And I don’t know how he can stick with me for so long, because I can be that kind of person that receives a message at 8 pm and answers back at 3 am, 3 days later (sometimes I even take a week or more to answer). So I would have been fed up with me if I were him.¯(°_o)/¯ Good thing he isn’t though, cause I can be a pain in the ass, but I promise you: am not boring! (•ˇ‿ˇ•)

Anyway enough with the self praising and back to how my stuff end up going to Bosnia without me. So yeah, even tho I don’t answer him back sometimes, we manage to casually write to each other at any random point of the day.

I have sent him a message today and asked him what he is going to do for New Years eve, because he is the only friend of my mine left in Vienna, who I know he might also spend that time alone. So what the heck I thought, let’s unite our loneliness.

His answer kind of surprised me. He asked me if I wanna do something crazy. Am not used to receiving adventurous messages from other people, especially from him. He invited me basically to come with him to Bosnia. Leaving in an hour and a half (((╹д╹;)))

Yeah, I had to make a decision within a minute, to find my stuff and pack a bag for 3 or so days. So then of course I had to make a decision the way I know best… namely:
Because what the hell, am still on my mid 20ies right? I can do crazy stuff, pretending am not a proper adult yet. It was adventurous enough and even though I can’t imagine how it will be in a city somewhere in Bosnia, well at least I will have a story to tell. Or at least I can say I have been to Bosnia. Or something like that. You don’t get opportunities like that every day.

So I started packing my bag and even made my way to the Bus station (because we were going to travel with a bus from Vienna to Bosnia – a 8-9 hour travel – which fyi I don’t really care). But fml Bosnia is not a European country, so I can’t travel without a passport. And supposedly they can’t even accept an Identity Card ( TДT)So I had to come home, hoping that the Bus driver will wait for me (actually my friend had the idea, to leave my stuff to him and run home to find my passport). So the naive girl that I am, I run home as fast as I could (was 17:55 when I got home and the bus was supposed to leave at 18:00, but my friend supposedly would had to convince the bus driver to wait for me for a little while).

So at the end, I’ve manage to make a huge mess inside my room, scattering books and documents all over the place to find my god damn passport, which was inside a bag, that was inside a box, that was inside my wardrobe. Of course at the end of the day I have learnt a few lessons:

1. When I want something bad, the whole f***ing universe conspires AGAINST me.

2. Next time to think twice about last minute trips.

3. My brown comb didn’t magically disappear (was looking for it for a while)

Of course the bus left and there I was still at home, on the floor, talking to that friend on the phone, half crying – half yelling at him for having my stuff with him. And I actually feel really bad for yelling at him, cause at the end of the day it was just my fault. I am the one organised-chaos person seeking adventures instead of sitting back and think logically.

OK, so maybe life does need some risks some times. Otherwise it’d be pretty damn boring right? Yeah, that’s how I get away with myself every time I do something stupid (⑅ 「O_o)「

By the way: I am going to Bosnia… Tomorrow!

This picture is irrelevant, but am so damn happy already!

More to come…

0

113th Entry: Prince Charming and other hot Opera singers

Don’t know if I already mentioned this, but hey am finally officially on Christmas holidays. *✲゚*。✧ヽ(^。^)丿

I can’t believe how exhaustive University can be. Even the thought of those sleepless nights give me fast heartbeats 。。゛(ノ><)ノ

So yeah, I have to keep reassuring myself that am now on holidays (for a little while). Aaaand to celebrate, I actually went to two concerts already o (^‿^✿)

To be honest, I have never been to a classical concert before, so it was my very first time(s). The first concert took place in Schönbrunn palace:

This was kind of special, because not only was it my first ever classical concert, but also the first time I enter this palace. Absolute stunning! (*˘︶˘*).。.:*♡

Aaand… I was actually invited… by the singer himself (⌒_⌒;) Shhhh…

Everyone got a Mozart Kugel as well. Yumm!

The concert took place in this Gold-white room

Which was quite petite but fine. Besides: I got a front seat view ┌(˘⌣˘)ʃ

Thomas Weinhappel. Or Prince Charming himself (nickname by me, lol):

(Picture from a catalog shooting for suits)

I still can’t believe I got a personal invitation from him く(^_・)ゝ

Lucky girl I am! Also I don’t remember the name of the female singer (my bad) but she sang really really good!

Generally the show was really nice and the orchestra marvelous!

I think I am beginning to like classical music more now that I have seen live!

So besides that, I have also been to another concert this last Sunday. The concert took place in Musikverein:

Inside the Golden Room (Germ.: Goldener Saal), a really huge one this time:

It was magical (✿ ♥‿♥)

So pardon me, I had to take some selfies!

Before it began. It became full pretty quick actually (° o°)!

I could actually wish to have this view from my seat, but I sat one row behind (′︿‵。)

So to my disappointment, I could not see Daniel Serafin performing

Actually the only way I could see him was to stand up. Even standing up didn’t make it easy actually, because I had to lean my camera almost 90° angle to capture this image o(╥﹏╥)o

OK, so yes, I could still listen to the whole concert and yes, I tried my best to concentrate on every note, so at the end I was like: “:♡.•♬✧⁽⁽ଘ(⑅‾̥̥̥̥̥̑⌣‾̥̥̥̥̥̑⑅)ଓ⁾⁾*+:•*∴ (tears of happiness)

And even though I was not invited on this one, I was very very happy to attend cause damn! Daniel Serafin  so hot he gives me butterflies ♡o。(๑๏‿ฺ๏๑)。o♡ #foreverfangirl

1

112th Entry: The perks of being a foreigner in Austria

I had to pause studying to allow my brain to make a restart, since I’ve been studying non-stop since I came home around 16:00 from an interview (it’s now midnight).

Being over-qualified

Speaking of which, yes I can finally assure myself that I am going to be getting a job that not only suits me, but fits my university schedule as well! Actually I was so surprised when they asked me if I feel concerned for being a bit OVER-qualified for this kind of job. Of course my mental reaction was: ⁀⊙﹏☉⁀ cause I am so used to never even being acknowledged by other standard jobs like reception / secretary / other office jobs, where guaranteed there is almost zero brain requirements and just anybody with a standard education can learn that. STILL I get always rejections from those kind of jobs.

Rejection letters

Actually last week I received 3 (!) rejection letters almost on the same hour (;☉_☉) That pain was too much to handle: I almost felt in a depression state, thinking I would NEVER EVER be acknowledged in this f***ing country! Sorry for my language! And I really DO love / respect this country, that lets me study (almost) for free (Yes! I only pay 8 EUR per semester) and live in this beautiful capital city!

But HEY … *here comes the ranting* …what’s your problem with us foreigners?! It’s so much unfair, to just disqualify somebody, just because I come from a different country WITHIN the EU! What’s the point of open EU boarders, if you don’t give the same rights /chances to ALL EU citizens?

Argggghhhh….. OK I stop!

So, what happened next was… to my surprise! I got another letter (all on the same day btw.), that I have been invited for an interview in a reception position at a Greek fine-dine restaurant. THAT was my chance… and I *thought* my luck suddenly started changing! (disregarding the fact that my only qualification for them was the fact that I speak a couple of languages including Greek – what a surprise!).

Got an interview

Anyways, that bitch (I promise I will try to stop using vulgar language, but on this case I really mean it)… that bitch! SHE changed my interview like 1000 times! First it was on Friday. So on Friday I went there and she was like “Oh am sorry, look we got those packages (shows me a pile of packages), so if you don’t mind to make the interview this Sunday. Ok I told her, I can make this compromise (still very confused, as to why a pile of packaging has to do with my interview taking only 10 minutes of her time). Sunday came and I receive yet another email to reschedule for Monday morning (never mind losing a lecture). On Monday I receive another email, making it from 11:30 to 15:00. ((╬ಠิ﹏ಠิ)) At some point I was worried that she might reschedule for next year! Like make up your mind girl!!!

… But never mind, still gonna get rejected

The interview was … kind of bad. She didn’t even look at me in the eyes, while she was explaining me the duties and how the work is done and why it is so important, because they are a very fine restaurant with very demanding customers, blah, blah, blah… In short, she threw the final arrow telling me that she had other two candidates with German and English proficiency (as if mine are less proficient). I mean, OK I understand you have the right to have other candidates. That’s not my problem. What bothered me so much, was the fact that she didn’t even give me the chance to show what I can really do! Cause many have language skills, but what’s important for this job is how you handle the whole situation!

I don’t know, the whole thing just made me wanna puke and I thought to myself: Yeap! We are back to same old-job rejection routine. There is no escape to this Christina.

For a second I felt like that poor old lady who failed 771 times the driving test. Don’t know if you heard about it, but yeah, I like to exaggerate somehow, although this is actually a real story!

Justice is served (!)

Anyway, back to the job that I am actually getting ! *switch mood to silly – happy*

So this actually has to do with product testing, which means bugs / errors reporting of the company’s website / app. In short, I will be checking new updates / functions of their app / website and reporting back, what’s not functioning well, or if I get a crush report by an android platform, then I have to report it / test it etc. Does it make sense to you?

It’s pretty technical and that’s why I was so excited about, because I won’t actually have to do with stupid people! At least not directly! They even gave me a kind of test, where I got to show them if I understood correctly, which steps are necessary to correctly report a function. For me it was so intuitive, so I wrote down in step wise details, how it should be reported, which was hopefully how it should be done. So they basically almost assure me that they will contact me on the 2nd week of 2015 to begin working with them.

❣◕ ‿ ◕❣

Finally, I saw some justice to my agonizing attempts to get a proper job in this country. Can I get a hallelujah?

1

111th Entry: Pick yourself up, because nobody will do that for you


I decided to write even though I have a s***load of study to do today. The desire came of course from an emotional discharge that I have gone through. Hurtful feelings of the past weeks, suppressed emotions evolving into tears.

I cry more often than you would imagine. I am a truth-loving individual and expressing true feelings is essential or perhaps something natural to me. Of course, I don’t do it in front of other people. I don’t want to bring other people into inconvenience. There is some limitation as to where one can truly express himself freely and this freedom ends, when there are other individuals involved. I know this for sure and I respect it.

Very often, people tell me that I act more mature than my age and I often ponder about that. Of course my immediate response to that is, that I am the way I am today, because I have seen many things, being living here and there for a while. But the thing is, there is more to be said that actually contributed to my so-called maturity.

But how can you tell that to people? We all go through struggles. And struggles are what ultimately make us strong and mature. And you don’t know what real struggle is, unless you get out there and face the world on your own. Face your ultimatum, your fears, your defeats all by your own. Most often than not, the only person you have that understands your situation, is your own self and sometimes not even yourself can give you hopes anymore.

At the end of the day, you just have to pick yourself up, whether you like it or not, because you realize, nobody else will do that for you.

And then you encounter those people, who keep wondering, why are you so mysterious, or so reserved, or so mature.

“I have been picking myself up for the last couple of years, that’s why.”

1

110th Entry: Horror and humiliation

Woah, its a nice, quiet, stress less Sunday. Perhaps even the most peaceful I have had since I came in Vienna on 1. of September.

Many things happened since I last wrote. I haven’t been able to write, because when I am under a lot of stress, writing is the last thing I want to do. Writing on my blog can be a luxury sometimes.

So what’s happening?
Well, first of all, University started…

Like, for good…

And we are proceeding pretty fast… Like last Friday, I even had to build my first particle detector, out of a coffee can:

Nerd level: 9999

Yeah, I needed to solder the electronic parts together to form this circuit. OMG, I hope we NEVER EVER have to solder again! It took me 3 hours to complete!

Anyways, hopefully at least university is going well this time.

The thing that is not going that well, as it has always been, is my ability to hold a job ლ(。-﹏-。 ლ)

I will explain…

On my previous post I apparently wrote about how well is my current job as an Au Pair, by that Austrian family… it turned out, I judged TOO EARLY. ( p′︵‵。) (wtf with Austrian families btw? It ALWAYS turns out to be the same shit!)

Actually my life has been a living HELL, since I have moved to that house. I have never, ever thought, that a person would be so mad, without any apparent reason, at me and that I would be in a constant stressed mode, like ALL of the time.

I was even afraid to write about it on my blog, because it was such a horror. Am not even exaggerating. Actually, I have always been afraid to talk about bad stuff happening to me, because it’s like releasing that negative energy out there, exposed to everyone that happens to read them. So on one hand, I don’t want to write them down, and on the other hand, I do want to document any kind of experience, either bad or good, cause it’s something I will reflect back in the future (possibly) and maybe like (hopefully), inspire other people, who happened to have similar experiences, to not to be afraid to talk about them.

Because I don’t want to overwhelm you, I will be posting them in parts.

1. Throwing the food away

So my first shock came when I had to cook the little girl’s a dinner meal, after her school activities. And I usually ask the family first, what I should cook her, because at first I don’t know what she likes/dislikes. She gave a first disregarded look and exclaimed that I should be the one who decides. (・_・ヾ At that point I was really perplexed, because I am used to by my previous family in Switzerland, to be given an idea, what I should cook for dinner and I would execute it at best.

So ok I thought, I will put my imagination as to what a 6 year old would like. By the way, all these things are happening at her presence. Because she isn’t working or missing out of home. SHE IS THERE with her kid and I have to serve them.

I opened the refrigerator and saw some chicken nuggets. So, I thought OK, I will cook some of them with french fries. Any kid likes to eat this!

So I gave my best effort and made sure it was enough for her. I cooked it. I put it on the plate and brought it to the girl, only to get a whine that she doesn’t want to eat it (;¬_¬) And let me tell you, this kid is so spoiled, she gets anything with a little whine and denial.

So her mother was now kind of annoyed at this point and I was asking myself what’s next, do I need to make another dish? So she went annoyed to the kitchen and ordered me to throw away the food I prepared, as she opened the stove to cook something herself. (⊙_☉)

I don’t know if you know, how it feels to prepare a meal and then still warm, throwing it away.. First of all, I would have eaten it, if I wasn’t a vegetarian. Secondly, who on their right mind wants to throw away any UNTOUCHED food?

I don’t want to discuss even the humiliation that this incident made me feel, because it brings back memories that I otherwise want to discard from my mind.

The incident of throwing away food happened more than once, so slowly I was getting used to feeling useless.

And it was just the beginning.

By the way, I am now finally away from that family and happy for once in my OWN room. I might not live in the most prestige neighborhood of Vienna, but at least I have my conscious and heart at peace.

  

 And in fact, I live in a very lovely neighborhood as well, without the hustle and bust of tourists!

The view from my window. Not bad, no? 。^‿^。

1

109th Entry: Pressed the Restart button

Yeah, I don’t know either why it took me like ages to write again. Thing is, writing needs motivation too, it’s like that force you need to convince yourself to go the gym regularly because you don’t wanna waste your membership. Except blogging is kinda free.

Anyway, am taking my second coffee at the Westbahnhof right now. I already feel the boost of energy coming as a result of it. My heart beat which has been doubled, the thoughts racing, the urge to get up and walk. It’s amazing how a substance like caffeine can do this to your body. But enough about my caffeine addiction… am here to update on my life.

It’s crazy how the chain of events in my life, gave me the opportunity to repeat something from the beginning. Usually you get something once in your lifetime and then you either have to profit from it, or if not handled in a correct way, you lose that chance forever.

I was that person, who did not handled the good opportunities in the correct way. I remember very well, how I had those enticing thoughts of giving up physics forever, not knowing exactly what I should do next in my life. Having lost all motivation to become the person I had always dream of becoming.

Now I can clearly see, how people influence me into taking decisions, whether be positive or negative. And I can see with clarity, which persons had a good and which had a really bad influence in me. And I will never forget, because they help me make (hopefully) better decisions now.

Am glad to say that I have been influenced by my little brother to pursue physics as a career. I used to be afraid, because physics can be really isolating and people doing physics can be arrogant and competitive. Then again, it’s my fault for giving enough sh*t on what I think people think about me. Cause it all comes down to that fear of feeling judged.

I don’t know how it’s going to be this year. But the circumstances I am living have been improved by 200%. Somehow I have been given a second chance, like a Restart button has been pressed and got me to the place where I was a year ago, only of course in better conditions.

For all these: I am grateful! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)